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Blog

Filtering by Tag: hymn

Sunday Worship: Instagram

Danika Brysha

I've always been overly obsessed with the Iphone but when they went ahead and pulled this Instagram business out of nowhere, I knew my loyalty could never falter.  My friend Jenny told me I HAD to download it and since she is always full of truth, I followed her orders.  I'm especially grateful for it today because it has a way of making my life look much cooler than it actually is.  Currently, it is 3pm on a Sunday.  I am covered in Spray Tan and am wearing a full grey sweatsuit and a red pair of socks I got for free during a flight on Virgin Atlantic.   You ain't gonna find that magic on Instagram.  Or are you...

For those of you with a Nokia phone or who are not familiar with Instagram's capabilities, here's an example of what it can do.  You simply upload a photo of yourself, choose a filter, and VOILA!...

So to Instagram, I write this hymn...

I woke up this morning
Feeling a little bit rough
I've got to keep up my image
but today it's gonna be tough
 
All my followers are waiting
As they scroll through their feed
Photos of babies, vacations,
And quotes of how to succeed
 
But how can I contribute
When I'm doing nothing at all
but watching Dr. Phil reruns
Waiting for someone to call?
 
Thats when a lightbulb flashed on
I knew just what I should do
My mom said anything is possible
When you have X Pro II
 
I found a great old photo
With nice makeup and hair
But... wait...SH*DFJKHL*ADSLK*JDHI!!!!
It won't fit in the square!
 
So on to option B
It's sure as hell to be a winner
So without further adieu
Here's what I'm having for dinner...
 
AMEN
 
*And if you want to follow me on Instagram and see tons of pictures of how glamorous and exciting my life is, my name is @danikabrysha 
 
 
 
 

 

Sunday Worship- Spanx

Danika Brysha

At some point in the last couple years I graduated from one pair of nude colored, shorts-style Spanx to having a drawer of them fuller than the one holding my padded bras and sorority T-shirts.  Some people go to a therapist to keep themselves in order and feel their best... I wear Spanx.  Please join me in saying a hymn for one of the saints in my life...

Dear Spanx:

I can't thank you enough
Without you I'd be a mess
I'm reminded of your beauty
In my bodycon dress 
 
I would do anything for your love
Like a fraternity pledger
People are starting to catch on
Like Lululemon and Herve Leger 
 
But no one can replace you
How you look at me is so cute
And I love those little hot pockets
You leave loosely for my glutes
 
Celebs even love you
Think of all those hot bodies you wrap
Like Kim, Eva, and Beyonce
And that girl from Parent Trap
 
My days can be challenging
But you make life so worth living
I can binge eat Chipotle
And you're still so forgiving
 
So I stayed home from the gym
Eating Doritos on the couch
But you didn't hold it against me
And still smoothed my belly pouch
 
When I last checked your site
I just couldn't believe it
You now make Spanx for Men!
I'm sure he really needs it
 
 
You suck everything in tightly
And make a perfect package out of me
Like those genius Vacuum Bags
I always see on QVC
 
When I have to look sexy,
You're somebody I can rely on
It's the most love I've ever felt
For a blend of Lycra and Nylon
 
So here in conclusion
From my perfectly shaped thigh
Keep up all the hard work
You're a hell of a guy!
 
Amen.