Sunday Worship: Lululemon Yoga Pants

I know it is Monday but the Labor Day weekend found me celebrating Sunday Funday with many a cocktail and a music festival, rather than a day sitting alone in a dark room editing videos.  And since nobody is paying me for these creations (though I'm definitely open to the idea), I can do this any damn time I please.  So here it is.

I'm a HUGE fan of Lululemon workout pants.  I think they are constructed by little fairies with magical fingers.  They suck everything in and make your legs and butt appear much firmer than it actually is.  Even if I'm only wearing them to Hometown Buffet, I can still give off the "Hey, I lead an active healthy lifestyle" vibe.  They are quite pricey but you'll understand why when you squeeze that sexy Gluteus Maximus into these girdle pants from heaven.  Without further adieu...

httpv://www.youtube.com/watch?v=68IvDlSjlKw&feature=youtu.be

Sunday Worship- Spanx

At some point in the last couple years I graduated from one pair of nude colored, shorts-style Spanx to having a drawer of them fuller than the one holding my padded bras and sorority T-shirts.  Some people go to a therapist to keep themselves in order and feel their best... I wear Spanx.  Please join me in saying a hymn for one of the saints in my life...

Dear Spanx:

I can't thank you enough

Without you I'd be a mess

I'm reminded of your beauty

In my bodycon dress 

 

I would do anything for your love

Like a fraternity pledger

People are starting to catch on

Like Lululemon and Herve Leger 

 

But no one can replace you

How you look at me is so cute

And I love those little hot pockets

You leave loosely for my glutes

 

Celebs even love you

Think of all those hot bodies you wrap

Like Kim, Eva, and Beyonce

And that girl from Parent Trap

 

My days can be challenging

But you make life so worth living

I can binge eat Chipotle

And you're still so forgiving

 

So I stayed home from the gym

Eating Doritos on the couch

But you didn't hold it against me

And still smoothed my belly pouch

 

When I last checked your site

I just couldn't believe it

You now make Spanx for Men!

I'm sure he really needs it

 

 

You suck everything in tightly

And make a perfect package out of me

Like those genius Vacuum Bags

I always see on QVC

 

When I have to look sexy,

You're somebody I can rely on

It's the most love I've ever felt

For a blend of Lycra and Nylon

 

So here in conclusion

From my perfectly shaped thigh

Keep up all the hard work

You're a hell of a guy!

 

Amen.