Sunday Worship: Amazon Prime

I have to let you in on a little secret.  Now, this is a bold statement, but it is true... you are not living until you have Amazon Prime!  It has a lot of perks but what it mainly means is that you can basically order almost anything from Amazon.com with free 2-day shipping.  It brings my level of laziness to a whole new category and I couldn't be prouder.  Bodywash... Prime.  Tootsie Pops... Prime.  Mary-Kate and Ashley's "Billboard Dad" collectors addition?... you got it... Prime.

Let me tell you how I really feel...

Sunday Worship: Costco

I'm not entirely certain when my obsession with that big, strong, warehouse of passion began but what I am sure of is that it is a mutual relationship that will most likely last forever... Or at least until my dad decides to stop paying my membership fees.   Regardless, Costco is something I can always count on.   Whether I need cheap liquor, a seasons worth of Tampax Pearl, or a new 72" flat screen that I will most definitely return after Super Bowl Sunday (or the new season of Toddlers and Tiaras), Costco always has whatever it is I need to fill an insatiable desire.  I definitely wouldn't be the woman I am today without it, that's for sure!

 

Ever since I was a child

Not too long ago

I’ve had a budding relationship

With a place called Costco

 

I got this passion from my father

For bulk items and great sales

He passed down his wisdom and knowledge

And his ingrown toenails

 

But I can forgive him for those

Because he’s so big and mature

While others learned to play T-ball

I was taught about Kirkland Signature

 

Whenever the time comes

And I need more toilet paper by the bunch

Eight new tubes of toothpaste

And three barrels of Captain Crunch…

 

I pick up my supersized cart

And flash my executive membership card

I am a master Costcoteer

For any beginner it'd be hard

 

Now, I first test out the speakers

The selection quite ample

I dance to the rhythms

Until I spot a free sample

 

Navigating the madness

Takes sharp skill and intention

I always start in the back corner

And shop the opposite direction

 

From the first bouncer to the check out

I feel so much joy I could cry

They swipe my AmEx and thank me

And I wave to the optometry guy

 

With a smile and name badge

They check my receipt at the door

I start heading to my car

But I get caught up in the lure...

 

Of the infamous food court

With frozen yogurt piled high

Huge slices of pizza

And hot dogs as large as my thigh

 

What a wonderful afternoon

At a place I hold in such high regard 

If Costco was a man, I would date him

I’d bring my milkshake to his yard

 

AMEN.